Standing atop a rug featuring figures in different sexual positions, on a stage adorned with paintings of himself, surrounded by scantily uniformed women holding assault rifles, Supreme Leader Admiral General Aladeen, the dictator of the nation of Wadiya, took to the podium to address the “Zionist New York media.” Entering the Empire Ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria, Aladeen was serenaded by the sound of his many supporters chanting his name.
The Admiral General was in town to discuss a terrible plight burdening him and the world: the demise of dictators. “For years, leaders all over the world have fallen one by one: Saddam, Kim Jong-Il, Gadhafi, and Oprah. Sanctions are hindering us; Ahmadinejad can’t even afford a tie.” Aladeen did not waste much time on his plea to support dictators before opening the floor to questions.
Below is a short video of some of the afternoon’s highlights, but not everything was offered up to you, the general public. Not shown are the breaks between questions where at the raise of his arm, Aladeen’s supporters would again chant the dictator’s name. Missing is Aladeen’s admission to loving fantasy films, “like Lord of the Rings and Schindler’s List.” Also not making the cut was Aladeen’s thoughts on who he would vote for in the upcoming US election if he had a vote: “Well, I would have said Santorum, despite his liberal views.” For those not in the know, it was also revealed that Mel Gibson has been appointed the director of Wadyia’s museum of intolerance. Congratulations, Mel.
The most outrageous moment of the press conference though came when Ryan Seacrest’s colleague from E! asked why Aladeen dumped Kim Jong-Il’s ashes on Seacrest. Before explaining that the ashes were not really those of Kim Jong-Il, Aladeen offered up a hilarious quip, “Well, that was not the first time he has had an Asian man poured all over his chest.”