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Top Five Reasons You Shouldn’t Read Lists on the Internet

words by Kevin Munley
02.25.2014

READING LISTS

1. No internet list actually contains any valuable information for the betterment of mankind. There are no lists that serve to increase understanding about important issues and global concerns, such as “Top 10 Human Rights Abuses in North Korea” or “Top 10 Reasons to Reform Gun Control.” Typically, The New York Times shies away from this style of reporting.

Fox News, however, does not

Fox News, however, does not

2. It took Tolstoy two years to write War and Peace. It takes most internet bloggers longer to masturbate to their list than to actually write it.

The author of this list prepares to demonstrate his point

The author of this list prepares to demonstrate his point

3. During World War II, the Axis powers’ Anti-Comintern Pact was written in list form. You’re not a Nazi, are you?

You're not a Nazi. You killed thousands of them in the '90s

You’re not a Nazi. You killed thousands of them in the ’90s

4. Pitchfork is lying about their most anticipated albums. They’re not really that excited about Chance the Rapper‘s new release.

Sorry, Chance

Sorry, Chance

5. They won’t accept your term paper at the most reputable colleges and universities in list format, even if it adheres to MLA standards.

All of my students are fucking idiots

All of my students are fucking idiots

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