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Top Seven Wordless Lube Ads

07.20.2011

Everyone in the ad game tries so hard to be clever. Agencies are paid big bucks to spread the word about the products they’re hired to shill, and the products of their labor flood television, movies, radio, the internet, magazines, billboards, public transportation… Let’s face it, if you can put words and/or a picture on it, there’s probably an ad there telling you to buy something.

But while most ads can tell you point-blank what their product does and why you should buy it, other products — like personal lube — require a gentle touch. Subtle imagery, when used effectively, can convey *ahem* certain concepts without overt sexual imagery. And if you can get these ideas across to a receptive audience in full view of children, well…in the words of George W. Bush, “You’re doing a hell of a job, Brownie.”

Can in a Bottle

Can in a bottle
Okay, okay, yeah, yeah…I guess they’re insinuating that Diet Pepsi makes you slimmer by using the image of a “slim” bottle, slim people are more desirable, desirable people have more sex, and people who have more sex are more likely to experiment and OH MY GOD I just got it.

Big “Tube” in a Tiny “Box”

Tube and box
I’m not so sure this would actually work. I mean, if you lubed up a tube of lube and shoved the lube tube into the lube tube box it probably would still tear up the box something fierce. Best not to think about it like that.

Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay…

Sittin' on the dock of the bay...
This French ad is an oldie but a goodie. This must be what Mr. Slave used in his whore-off with Paris Hilton.

Alone on the Subway

Can't sit down. Should have used lube.
“What? It’s late at night? There’s a girl on the subway? Alone? Vulnerable? Good thing I brought the lube!” This is among the disturbing and unintended (?) interpretations of the ad discussed on public forums when the ad went viral. But if that’s where your mind is at, you’re wrong. Can’t get it? I guess you’ll have to sit down and think it over. Maybe you should come back to this one after you let your mind have a break. You’ve used too much time today reading this list of lube ads anyway.

Fruity!

Delicious fruity flavors
Quite effective if I do say so myself. I see a bottle in the bottom right corner, so I know that the ad is for lube. The larger images are of a strawberry and a raspberry, so I know these are two of the yummy fruity flavors offered in this new line of flavored lubricants. And the middle of the fruits look like gaping orifices, so I know exactly where I should be applying the product. OM-NOM-NOM-NOM.

Vagina Falls

Vagina Falls
They had another ad with an oversized penis-shaped “Maid of the Mist” but I couldn’t find it.

What. The. Eff.

Rabbit in a jar?
I like these text-free lube ads. I think they’re funny. But let’s face it — the majority of them depict large objects placed (or about to be placed) within a significantly smaller object. It’s not like you have to be THAT clever. So why a rabbit in a jar? Am I missing an innuendo here? Do certain cultures refer to penises as bunnies? Is the canning jar supposed to represent any particular orifice? Am I supposed to be turned on by this? Is it wrong if I am?

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  • http://bozd.net Rob

    still trying to figure out the subway one

    • Aaron

      Subway one is almost too subtle. The idea is that she had anal sex without lube and now she doesn’t want to sit down.

      • Ombaug

        Whoa! its more like intended for Rapists. Lone woman, easy prey, “USE IT”

        An Ad should be that tacit, should never allow to be misunderstood. There is no way i was going to figure that one out.

  • dave

    never heard of hide the bunny? where you pull your pants pockets inside out?

  • pange lingua

    “Conejo” means both “bunny” and “pussy” in Spanish. But I rather think it’s a “magic trick” thing, only with a jar instead of a top hat.

  • http://none.com jimbobillbob

    The bunny one is for “control”, which i assume is birth control, and bunnies are known to fuck and reproduce a lot, so by containing it in a jar, it is unable to reproduce. Hence, birth control. bingo.

  • d-ri

    the bunny is an allusion to a vibrator, which is known in slang as a ‘rabbit’. duh

  • ehdebh

    somebody please explain the dock one

    • Glen Olah

      Shouldn’t require a lot of explaining…