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Stop, Prince William. You’re Marrying the Wrong Middleton

04.27.2011

Prince William is sort of stuck at this point, but if he had more time, I would make a suggestion that he rethink his choice of Middleton girl and instead marry Kate’s younger, more fun sister, Pippa Middleton.

Why Pippa Is Better Than Her Boring Older Sister:

1. She has great thighs.

2. She gets wonderful fake tans.

3. She’s been described by people who know the sisters as “more outgoing and sexier” than Kate.

4. She loooves to party, and was photographed at Fashion Week drunk with her bra poking out. Unlike Kate, who looks like your mom did in 1980 (pretty, but only because she is your mom and you don’t remember her ever looking that young).

5. Pippa is a hard worker — she organizes lots of parties for her friends. Kate = not a party planner, thus not a hard worker.

6. Her name is Pippa. It sounds a lot like Pippin, who was also a fun person, and nothing like “Kate,” whose name means “pure.” Yawn. -Christina Drill

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  • lol

    This is a joke, right? If not, it’s just plain silly!
    Why would anyone think that someone with a “party-girl” image would be better-suited as the future queen of England? Kate has class and taste. She’s a respectable young woman. That’s not to say Pippa is by any means trashy, but why would you want someone closer to Lindsay Lohan to marry William as opposed to someone closer to Grace Kelly?

    • nathan

      this guy has a point. jokes are silly.

  • heather

    Well, someone with a “party-girl” image would be better-suited as the future queen of England because partying is awesome, and being boring isn’t (duh!) Also, it would make everyone happy because the tabloids would be full of fun photos and ridicule.