Sure, Timmy came home last night stinking sober, reeking of ginger ale and sweat and wearing basketball shorts and a black pullover hoodie…but how can you really be certain that he’s hanging out with a dangerous crowd?

“Oh my god…Timmy, no! Stay away from the Kiwanis Club charity wine tasting event! Oh god, there’s so much blood! And Cabernet Sauvignon!”

If this isn’t every parent’s worst nightmare, I don’t know what is.