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Getting The Most Out of Your Money

10.29.2010

God-King JeremyGod-King Jeremy is the current ruler of the planet.  After wiping out Earth’s defenses, he set to work reorganizing the world’s social, political, information, and entertainment infrastructures, only to discover that they didn’t need much changing to encourage a culture of human slavery.  He is cruel, petty, greedy, and devoid of basic morality. In his spare time he answers questions and gives advice.  Ask Jeremy at formspring.me/godkingjeremy

When “making it rain,” what is the proper denomination of money to use? Does it vary? (from anonymous)
An excellent question. I’ve personally made it rain using everything from ones to the fabled hundred thousand-dollar bill. One time, I made it rain pennies over my favorite strip club from the window of my warship, orbiting high above in the earth’s inner atmosphere. I don’t have to tell you how that ended….but I will anyway!

The strippers died.

I prefer to make it snow but since polar bears aren’t considered currency on your planet, it’s been increasingly difficult to do so. But making it rain is a personal decision and I can’t give you all the answers. When in doubt, go with your gut.

Have you seen the Facebook movie yet? Team Mark or Team Eduardo? CHOOSE NOW! (from amandagreen)
I have not seen this movie and am unfamiliar with human face books, but based on what little I have understood from bits and pieces in the media, I would support making a book out of the face of Mark Zuckerberg. Not because I believe him to be a bad person, but because his skin hangs loosely on his face and its greater elasticity would be better suited for the bookmaking process.

How do you feel about poodles? (from anonymous)
Depends. Is the poodle wearing a sexy cat costume? Is it a cat dressed as a poodle for Halloween?

Chunky or smooth? (from anonymous)
I prefer my genitals chunky, then smooth.

The Blob likes to eat kittens. How do you feel about The Blob….and eating kittens? (from anonymous)
I’ve had it up to here with these unsubstantiated rumors about The Blob and his membership in NABKLA. I’ll have you know that The Blob is a good friend of mine and he would never engage in any kind of kitten-eating fetishism. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a joke, but I don’t find it funny. I await your apology.

How would you describe your personality? (from anonymous)
Jingotastic.

What’s your opinion on face tattoos? (from anonymous)
They are horrifying. On the homeworld, face tattoos are an STD, passed during intercourse at the height of sexual ecstasy. When we took over your world, one of our first acts was to kill all humans with face tattoos in order to contain the infection. Mistakes were obviously made. For example, we killed anyone with freckles just to be safe. No Lohans were spared and for that we are sorry.

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  • http://www.noisiestpassenger.com Amanda

    God-King Jeremy can take over my planet any day…if you know what I’m sayin’,